Today, I want to highlight q chapter from my book, “Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger’s Syndrome”, that looks at sensory sensitivities and coping with meltdowns. The chapter is on page 116 and is called Coping with Sensory Overload and Avoiding Meltdowns.

Sensory sensitivity exists because the nervous system isn’t able to adequately process signals from the five senses (taste, smell, touch, sound, sight). A person on the spectrum may have too much sensory input (hyper) or not enough (hypo). If these issues are not dealt with, it can lead to many problems in neurodiverse relationships.

Here are some tips that may be useful for a couple with a person on the spectrum and their non-spectrum partner:

1. Be aware that your partner cannot help these sensitivities. There’s no light switch that can turn it off. It’s a part of who they are. Acceptance is key.
2. Communicate about the sensitivity. If your partner doesn’t like talking on the phone, it probably is not just that they are “shy” – they may have trouble audio processing over the phone and this can lead them to feel anxious any time they have to talk on the phone. You may want to take over when a phone call becomes too overwhelming.
3. If your partner is sensitive to touch, do not shame them or blame them for being hypersensitive. Be explicit and talk about your needs and what may bother both of you.
4. A partner on the spectrum may be sensitive to certain tastes or textures. Negotiate about how to meet each other’s needs.

Some tips that may be useful for the person on the spectrum:

1. It’s important to take periodic breaks if you are out somewhere that is too noisy or busy for you. Step away for a few minutes and then rejoin the group.
2. Be aware of what may cause your sensitivities, so you can develop strategies to make sure you don’t have a meltdown.
3. Some people on the spectrum are hypersensitive to noise and can become bothered by sound frequencies (such as electricity) or other people’s conversations in the same room. You may want to get a pair of noise-cancelling headphones, earplugs, or sound machines (for sleeping).
4. Learn what works for you in terms of understanding your sensitivities and coping behaviors. Knowing more about what triggers them and how to ease your way out will lessen how frequent a meltdown may occur.

You can find more information about dealing with sensory sensitivity and other coping mechanisms by purchasing my book here on Amazon.